Where's Sobek?

Pardon the extended absence, everyone, but I have good news. My Photoshop skills finally landed me a sweet gig at the New York Times, airbrushing liberals into some semblance of presentability.

Okay, first assignment ... Helen Thomas? Ah, crap! Okay, I can do this. I took the precaution of instructing all the photographers to lay a pretty thick layer of vaseline on the lense to "soften" them up. Let's see what we have to work with:












Ah, nuts. Well, that's what Photoshop is for, I guess. Let's start with a little more "softening," to smooth down the jowls a little bit:












Hmmm. This isn't getting me anywhere. I think I'll try some airbrush work on the jowls, and those deep lines over her eyes. And her teeth are horrible -- I wonder if I can lighten them up a bit:













That sucks. This isn't getting me anywhere. It's time to break out the big guns:













We seem to be entering "Liz Taylor Country," here. The bad news is, she's no longer identifiable as Helen Thomas. The good news is ... wait, no, that first one was the good news. I wonder if I can get rid of that sagging left cheek:













That looks like I took a good thirty pounds off. Not too shabby. I wonder if I can fix the nose and chin:













Oops, now she's got leprosy. Crap. Crappy crap-crap-crapola.





...




Wait a minute, I think I have just the thing:












Now we're talking. This job is gonna be sweeeeeeeeeeet...

Hat tip to Ace for the pic.

Electrical Storm!

Electrical storm!

That's actually not my pic -- I just grabbed a randomly-Googled image and did some minor cropping -- but the Las Vegas sky is lighting up like a Christmas tree. I'm going to go get in bed and listen to big, heavy drops of rain.

Wisdom from Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov"

"The important thing is to stop lying to yourself. A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself as well as for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love and, in order to divert himself, having no love in him, he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest forms of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal, in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying -- lying to others and to yourself. A man who lies to himself, for instance, can take offense whenever he wishes, for there are times when it is rather pleasant to feel wronged -- don't you agree? So a man may know very well that no one has offended him, and may invent an offense, lie just for the beauty of it, or exaggerate what someone said to create a situation, making a mountain out of a molehill. And although he is well aware of it himself, he nevertheless does feel offended because he enjoys doing so, derives great pleasure from it, and so he comes to feel real hostility toward the imaginary offender."

***

"...socialism is not just a question of labor organization; it is above all an atheistic phenomenon, the modern manifestation of atheism, one more Tower of Babel built without God, not in order to reach out toward heaven from earth, but to bring heaven down to earth."

***

"Nor is it miracles that bring a realist to religion. If he is an unbeliever, a true realist will always find the strength and ability not to believe in a miracle, and if he is confronted with a miracle as an irrefutable fact, he will rather disbelieve his own senses than accept that fact. Or he may concede the fact and explain it away as a natural phenomenon until then unknown. In a realist, it is not miracles that generate faith, but faith that generates miracles. Once a realist becomes a believer, however, his very realism will make him accept the existence of miracles."

Business Proposal

If someone who knows how to use Flash decided to combine the people in this video with this game, I dare say they'd have a hit on their hands. Hat tips to Mr. Twisted and Ace, respectively.

Update: For more zombie-killin' goodness, check here.

The Official SobekPundit Blogger Interview: Mr. Twisted

I've invited Mr. Twisted, from A Twisted Sense of Funny, not just for a blogger interview, but also to conduct bizarre scientific experiments that probably bend all kinds of ethics rules. All in the name of entertaining you, the reader. So let's welcome Mr. Twisted.





Mr. Twisted: Hi. Um ... did you just say something about "bizarre scientific experiments"?





Sobek: I don't think I did. Here, put this bra on your head.





Mr. Twisted: What? Hey, I'm not so sure about this...





Sobek: Look, getting an Official SobekPundit Blogger Interview can be a career-defining moment. Are you willing to throw away that chance?





Mr. Twisted: ...





Sobek: That's what I thought. And besides, the odds are pretty low that you'll have an alien burst through your chest, or something.





Mr. Twisted: Okay, so now what?





Sobek: I'm sure you noticed that we're both wearing bras on our heads, and that the room is full of lit candles. You'll also notice I've rigged up an early 1980s computer, a 24kb dial-up modem, and a little doll.





Mr. Twisted: I had, in fact, noticed that.





Sobek: I want to see what happens when we use my computer to make a perfect woman.





Mr. Twisted: You mean like in Wierd Sc-





Sobek: Federal copyright laws forbid me from letting you complete that question. Now while I hack into NORAD and the Pentagon, I need you to babble incoherently.





Mr. Twisted: Uh, okay. "Oogey boogey."





Sobek: ...





Mr. Twisted: What?





Sobek: That was easily the gayest incoherent babbling I've ever heard. Want to try again?





Mr. Twisted: Sure. Freeeeeeeeebitidy bloomp clupa dupa shimmmmmmmmmmmmm-DANG gleeb!!!





Sobek: Much better.





Mr. Twisted: Glibbity bop! Jim jim jimjimhimnimbimfimmmmm...





Sobek: Perfect.





Mr. Twisted: Sheeba sheeba. If Israel didn't exist, there would be peace in the Middle East.





Sobek: What?





Mr. Twisted: Increased taxes on the wealthy have no negative impact on the economy. Human activity can be definitvely linked to global warming.





Sobek: I said "incoherent babbling," not "idiotic babbling."





Mr. Twisted: Sorry.





Sobek: Anyway, we're all done. All I have to do is press this button:







Sobek: ...





Mr. Twisted: ...





Sobek: ...





Mr. Twisted: Well?





Sobek: We're all done.





Mr. Twisted: Did it work? I thought there was supposed to be, like, wind, and an earthquake, and all kinds of crazy damage and destruction and crap like that.





Sobek: Nope.





Mr. Twisted: That's how it happened in the mov...





Sobek: Again, for purposes of federal copyright law, I'm not allowed to let you finish that sentence. Anyway, according to the computer, it worked.





Mr. Twisted: So where's the "perfect woman" we created?





Sobek: Ah. Well, here's the thing about that whole "perfect woman" deal. It turns out I made a slight error.





Mr. Twisted: Don't tell me you forgot the doll.





Sobek: No, I remembered the doll, in a manner of speaking. The problem is that I don't have any Barbie dolls, so I had to use whatever I could find lying around the house.





Mr. Twisted: Which was?





Sobek: This Madeline Albright doll that I fused onto this Admiral Akbar action figure.





Madeline Akbar: Hey there, Mr. Twisted! You're cute!





Mr. Twisted: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!





Sobek: I think she likes you.





Mr. Twisted: Get her away from me!!!





Madeline Akbar: Let's find a quiet place somewhere and discuss Clinton-era foreign policy, sugar-lips.





Mr. Twisted: For the love of everything holy and decent! Help me, Sobek!





Sobek: Well, I was planning on starting the interview, but it seems you two have a lot to talk about, and I'd just feel like a third wheel.





Madeline Akbar: Kiss me, Twisted. I still have the taste of Kim Jong Il in my mouth.





Mr. Twisted: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!





Sobek: What a cute couple.





Mr. Twisted: I'm serious, Sobek, this is not funny. Keep that thing away from me.





Sobek: Dude, I think you're hurting her feelings.





Madeline Akbar: That's it. See how you like this:





Mr. Twisted: AAAARRRRGGGHHH!!! This is the worst blogger interview ever!





Sobek: Don't worry, it should wear off in a couple of hours. And actually, this was the worst blogger interview ever.


Other SobekPundit Blogger Interviews:
John from WuzzaDem
Ace of Spades
Dave from Garfield Ridge
Oliver Willis
The Therapist
SondraK
Protein Wisdom
VodkaPundit
Jack M.
Bohemian Conservative
Michelle Malkin
Jennifer from Demure Thoughts
Right Wing Sparkle
Six Meat Buffet
Llama Butchers
7 Deadly Sins
Instapundit
Are You Conservative?

Retired Geezer

Innocent Bystanders

Next Week:
Who am I kidding? I think it's time to end the charade that this is a weekly thing.