Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Where's Sobek?

Pardon the extended absence, everyone, but I have good news. My Photoshop skills finally landed me a sweet gig at the New York Times, airbrushing liberals into some semblance of presentability.

Okay, first assignment ... Helen Thomas? Ah, crap! Okay, I can do this. I took the precaution of instructing all the photographers to lay a pretty thick layer of vaseline on the lense to "soften" them up. Let's see what we have to work with:

Ah, nuts. Well, that's what Photoshop is for, I guess. Let's start with a little more "softening," to smooth down the jowls a little bit:

Hmmm. This isn't getting me anywhere. I think I'll try some airbrush work on the jowls, and those deep lines over her eyes. And her teeth are horrible -- I wonder if I can lighten them up a bit:

That sucks. This isn't getting me anywhere. It's time to break out the big guns:

We seem to be entering "Liz Taylor Country," here. The bad news is, she's no longer identifiable as Helen Thomas. The good news is ... wait, no, that first one was the good news. I wonder if I can get rid of that sagging left cheek:

That looks like I took a good thirty pounds off. Not too shabby. I wonder if I can fix the nose and chin:

Oops, now she's got leprosy. Crap. Crappy crap-crap-crapola.


Wait a minute, I think I have just the thing:

Now we're talking. This job is gonna be sweeeeeeeeeeet...

Hat tip to Ace for the pic.