The Official SobekPundit Blogger Interview: Innocent Bystanders
You know, I had a real ethical conflict with this week's Blogger Interview. Actually, a couple of conflicts. You see, I got an idea for a blogger interview with Michael from Innocent Bystanders, but Michael insists he is a commenter, not a blogger. Not that you can tell from reading his blog; I mean, it looks like a blog, he posts on it, people can comment, he links wacky or interesting stories and such -- in short, for a non-blogger, he acts an awful lot like a blogger.
And then there's the fact that I really don't like him very much. Now granted, I am prejudiced against all races, religions and genders, but still, there's something about Michael that pushes my already bitter misanthropy to new levels.
Eventually I discovered a rather elegant solution to my conflict: I'll interview him, thus proving to the world by virtue of his participation in a "Blogger" interview that he is indeed a "Blogger."
Sobek: So without further ado, let's welcome our guest.
Michael: Hi, Sobek, and thanks for having me.
Sobek: Let's get one thing straight. I don't like you, and you don't like me.
Michael: I like you.
Sobek: ... anyway, as I was saying, I don't like you, but I'm going to give you a fair break during this interview. Here's how this is going to work. Since you're a big fan of Batman, I'll use the Caped Crusader for your picture. If I like what you have to say, you get a picture of cool Batman:
Sobek: But if you piss me off, you'll drop lower down the list.
Michael: You don't scare me.
Sobek: See, now that kind of attitude is exactly what I'm talking about.
Michael: You just ended that last sentence with a preposition.
Sobek: Very well, I'm just going to have to go with George Clooney Batman.
Michael: NOOOOOOOOOO! I'll be good!!!
Sobek: That's what I thought. Okay, I'll put you in the middle of the list, with Val Kilmer Batman. If you behave yourself, you'll go up to Michael Keeton Batman, or even back to Christian Bale Batman. If you mouth off, you're going down to Adam "Painted Woman's Eyebrows On My Mask" West, or in the worst case scenario, back to Clooney. Understood?
Sobek: Good. That kind of subservience will get you where you want to be.
Michael: Also, I think Horus was a stupid vulture who couldn't even intimidate his own reflection in a mirror.
Sobek: I see you learn quickly.
Michael: Ooh, Michael Keeton Batman. That's pretty cool. See how cool I am?
Sobek: Yes, you're very cool. Okay, let's get started with the interview. According to CNN.com, the immigration protests yesterday resulted in ...
Brewfan: Hey, I want to be interviewed, too!
Sobek: Oh, hi Brewfan. Look, no offense, but there are like twenty of you people posting over at Innocent Bystanders, and if I try to squeeze you all in, I'm going to have big problems ...
Dave in Texas: If Brewfan gets interviewed, I get to come, too!
Sobek: No, look, guys ...
Harrison: Ha! Dave, I kinda figured you for the type of guy who wears a monocle and smokes from a cigarette holder.
Brewfan: *cough* homo *cough*
Sobek: Seriously, I'm having a hard enough time remembering which picture to use for Michael, I don't need ...
Michael: Hey, what did I do to get knocked back down to Val Kilmer? I was up to Michael Keeton!
Sobek: Sorry, I ...
LauraW: What's up with only having the guys here?
Civetta: Yeah, you guys aren't being all gay and stuff, are you?
LauraW: Hey! I wanted to be Batgirl! Why do I have to be Poison Ivy?
Harrison: Ooh, catfight! Or, um, bat versus plant fight, as the case may be.
Elzbth: Hy gys, dn't fght! W'r ll frnds hr, w shldn't ct lk chldrn r lbrls!
Skinbad: What? Elzbth, you're seriously going to have to start using more vowels, woman.
Civetta: Ooh, Skinbad gets to be the Riddler! That's cool.
Mrs. Peel: Yeah, the Riddler is ... hey, wait a second! I'm the Scarecrow? What the heck?
Sobek: Sorry about the mask, but I'm kind of running out of options, here.
Mrs. Peel: You could have at least made me a girl!
Civetta: Scarecrow is a man, Sobek.
Sobek: No she isn't. She's played by Cillian Murphy in the new movie.
Mrs. Peel: Yeah, and Cillian's a man!
Sobek: What? You're kidding me.
Michael: No, he really is a man.
Sobek: That's it, you're demoted back to Adam West.
KevlarChick: Okay, this is so totally not funny.
Sobek: I'm sorry! I told you, I'm running out of female villains! That's why I only wanted to interview Michael ...
KevlarChick: That's it, I'm taking you off my AIM list.
Sobek: But I don't use AIM.
KevlarChick: I had you listed just in case you started using it.
Sobek: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'll let you be Catwoman, okay?
Elzbth: Bt I'm sppsd t b Ctwmn!
Dave in Texas: Hot diggity! Now we've got a real cat fight!
Sobek: Look, I'm sorry everyone, but this place is just way too crowded. Retired Geezer can't even fit in here while wearing his Batmobile costume. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to leave.
Skinbad: I only got one line!
Sobek: Well that's two lines. And I had to omit Lipstick entirely, so count your blessings.
Sobek: Phew. They're all gone.
Sobek: Now I can slip into something a little more comfortable.
Sobek: Ah, now that's more like it. Oh, crap, is this blog still on?
Other SobekPundit Blogger Interviews:
John from WuzzaDem
Ace of Spades
Dave from Garfield Ridge
Jennifer from Demure Thoughts
Right Wing Sparkle
Six Meat Buffet
7 Deadly Sins
It depends on whether Mr. Twisted learns how to wire large amounts of money directly into my bank account by then.