The Official SobekPundit Blogger Interview: Dave from Garfield Ridge
This week we welcome Dave from Garfield Ridge, whose blog has become America's clearinghouse of intelligent military/political analysis and links to videos of people hurting themselves. I've been a fan of Dave from the beginning, until he started absolutely killing me in traffic.
Sobek: Welcome Dave, it's good to have you on board. And before we get started, can I just say, your eyes are a lot more dreamy than I expected.
Sobek: Well let's get right into it. I understand you work for the Department of Defense. What's that like?
Dave: It's been a nice gig. As you can imagine, it can be pretty stressful at times, but it's nice to know I'm serving my country, and President Muffley. I've long been interested in ...
Sobek: Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt, did you say President Muffley?
Dave: Huh? I -- I don't think I did.
Sobek: You did. It's President Bush.
Dave: I know that. I wonder where that came from.
Sobek: Muffley was the President in the Stanley Kubrick film "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb."
Dave: That's ... that's kind of wierd. Anyway, of course I meant President Bush. As I was saying, I've long been interested in geopolitics, ever since I was a teen-ager. Although of course, back then it was just me playing Risk or whatever, instead of working directly for Defense Secretary Trautman.
Sobek: Secretary Rumsfeld.
Dave: What did I say?
Dave: No, that can't be right. Trautman's a Colonel.
Sobek: Trautman isn't anything. He's a character from the Rambo movies.
Dave: He sure is a character. One time he and I stole this malfunctioning fax machine from work -- it was really pissing us off, you see -- and we took it to this field and started beating the living...
Sobek: Now you're talking about Office Space. Dave, have you seen so many movies that you can't separate them from reality anymore?
Dave: Sobek, that hurts.
Sobek: Look, I don't mean to offend you, but you have seen a lot of movies, and it just seems like ...
Dave: I can't believe this. After I volunteered my time time to help a bunch of urban youths save a community center by break-dancing with ...
Sobek: That was Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo! And this bit was already done on Family Guy! And you yourself pointed out that Breakin' 2 is an over-used punchline!
Dave: Um, yeah. Hey, here's a video clip of some people getting really, really hurt.
Sobek: Don't try to change the subject. Dave, you need help.
Dave: No I don't! It's my life. I can do whatever I want.
Sobek: Dave, I didn't want to have to do this, but I've brought some friends of yours.
Digital Brownshirt: Hey Dave.
Ranger: Dave, we're here to help.
bbeck: Hiya Dave! *snort!*
Brian: Can we watch that video clip again?
Dave: Hey guys!
Sobek: Wow, I didn't realize your friends were such ...
bbeck: Sorry Sobek, I think I just spilled Mountain Dew all over your couch.
Sobek: Be careful, please...
Ranger: [crunching loudly] Your refrigerator's empty, man.
Brian: Dave, Sobek convinced us all you need help. An intervention.
Dave: I don't need any help.
Digital Brownshirt: Dave, remember the time you spent all day waving a plastic AK-47 and shouting "Wolverines"?
Dave: So what? The Russkies were invading, and I wanted to ...
Brian: Or the time bbeck's cat died, and you sat outside its grave all night with a shotgun and a bottle of Jack Daniels to make sure it didn't rise from the dead?
Dave: Look, Pet Sematary or not, sometimes I just like the feel of a cold shotgun and a bottle of Jack. Is that so wrong?
bbeck: Actually, Brian, my cat didn't really "die" so much as "explode in a microwave when Dave thought it was a Gremlin."
Dave: Oh come on! You can't seriously blame me for wanting to...
Sobek: Guys, guys, you're getting potato chip crumbs and dandruff everywhere. Can you try to stand on the tile, or at least get away from my counters?
Digital Brownshirt: Oh crud, I just broke one of your plates. I'm sorry, dude.
Brian: And then there was the time you almost got arrested while speaking Jive on a plane, and an old lady figured out you were screaming about the fish being poisoned?
Dave: Hey look, I was under a lot of pressure, and I had developed a bit of a drinking problem, and I had just given up sniffing glue, so I was a little...
Sobek: Ranger, we're here for an intervention; why did you bring all of your Dungeons & Dragons stuff?
Ranger: We can do both!
Sobek: This isn't working. I want you people out of my house.
Dave: I've got a link to video of some guy chewing off his own arm around here somewhere...
Sobek: ALL OF YOU OUT!!!
bbeck: Oh, shoot, I think I just plugged up your toilet ...
bbeck: ... with all your silverware ...
Sobek: Go! Just go, or so help me, I'll have my monkey go berserk on all of you!!!
ooooh ooooh oooooh AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAH!
Brian: We'll go.
Digital Brownshirt: Sorry.
Generic INXS Guy #1: Rock on!
bbeck: Sorry. Hey, I'll catch you guys later! *snort!*
Dave: Well that was nice, getting all my friends together like that.
Sobek: Uh, sure, anything for a friend. Look, I have some cleaning up to do. I'll see you around, okay?
Dave: Okay. It was fun.
Sobek: Hey, don't forget this.
Dave: Oh, thanks. Also, I'm a little disappointed you didn't manage to work in a "Tron" reference.
Sobek: Hey, Dave, here's one for the road. Just to show everything's still cool:
All that hate's gonna burn you up, Dave. If your "platonic" man-crush on me doesn't burn you up, first.
Other SobekPundit Blogger Interviews:
John from Wuzzadem
Ace of Spades