And Now, a Rebuttal to the Recent French-Bashing by Famous French Statesman, Monsieur Jean-Jacques Francois

[Editor's Note: the following is to be read with a thick French accent and an arrogant sneer for full effect]


You stupeed Americans! You zink you are zo smart, what weeth your booming economy, your attractive weemin, you competent doctors, your hot running water, your invention of airplanes, cars, and zee internet, your respect for human rights, your effective military, your freedom of speech, your personal hygiene, your enthusiasm for life, your rich natural resources, your failure to collaborate with the Nazis or to sell banned weapons to Saddam Hussein, your opposition to tyranny, your inexplicable failure to worship Jerry Lewis, your low unemployment, your failure to enact blatantly racist policies against North Africans, the absence of genuine colonialism in your history, your failure to carve up the Middle East, Africa or Southeast Asia just to leave decades of bloody violence in your wake...