Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Oil-for-Food Panel Quizzes Annan

1. Exactly how far into the sea should the Jews be pushed?
a) 100 meters
b) 1000 meters
c) 10,000 meters

2. Do you want us to have Don Cheadle killed?
a) Yes
b) Torture him first

3. L'anglais, c'est une langue des cochons, n'est-ce pas?
a) Bien sur!
b) Des cochons et des singes!
c) Je suis un ananas!

4. So, did you steal a bunch of money from starving kids in the Middle East?
a) Bush is a criminal!
b) Send more tsunami relief through UN channels. How do you expect Jan Egelmann to pay for his Porsche?
c) What's that over there?

5. Now that you're no longer embezzeling millions of dollars in history's largest scam, what do you plan on doing with your time?
a) Take up raquetball
b) Devote more time to hating Jews
c) Looking at another oil-rich nation we can sanction back into the stone-age. I know a sweet gig when I see one

6. Do you have any remorse for all the Iraqi children who starved to death, or who died from tainted or diluted medicines, because of the scandal?
a) No, it's their own fault for not becoming suicide bombers in Israel
b) No, my $9,000 suit has a built-in "remorse-blocker." Who's up for some fresh Maine lobsters?
c) No, the cries of the innocent don't affect me much after all these years

7. So how much dirty money did you end up stealing?
a) I lost track because I kept using briefcases full of money to light the Cuban cigars Fidel gives me
b) I lost track when I realized there's no such number as "a jillion."
c) I lost track when I discovered Jacques and I were both starving the same small village north of Basrah. We laughed ourselves silly when we realized.

Essay section

Write a 300-word essay on one of the following themes:
1. Saddam sure had the right idea about those Jews
2. The delightful sobs of the exploited
3. The best places to ski in the Austrian Alps