An Exclusive Interview With George Obama

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Keith Olbermann. As some of you know, I got into a bit of trouble for grotesque partisanship during the DNC this year, even though any rational person will acknowledge that I was perfectly neutral throughout, and only a brain-dead Rethuglican would claim otherwise.

Anyway, the chill wind of oppression now keeps me from saying whatever pops into my head while I'm on the air, I've decided to branch out to the internet. I found this little blog that, as far as I can tell, no one is using, so I figure it's as good a place as any to enlighten you, the masses.

We have a special treat tonight. For the first time ever on this blog, I have an exclusive interview with George Obama. I've warned him in advance that I plan on being just as tough and critical with him as with all of my guests, and that he won't get any special treatment just because his famous half-brother has such dreamy eyes. Live from Kenya, welcome, George.


George: Please Mr. Olbermann, I am so hungry...

Keith: I'm sorry to hear that, but you should have planned ahead. I just had a sandwich. It was pretty good. The bread was a little dry, so I threw an empty bottle of Black Swan Shiraz at the server girl.

George: I have had no bread for two days, sir. If only you could ...

Keith: Listen, we're not really here to talk about your problems. My first question is, tell me how awesome Barack Obama is.

George: Sir, I keep telling you, I don't know him. I only met him once, and he would not speak with me.

Keith: Not answering the question, huh? I see how you are.

George: I am sorry. I do not know what to say.

Keith: I'll admit sometimes I have trouble describing how amazing he is, so I'll let this one slide. Tell me, once Barack is elected President, how many months do you think it will take before he makes everything perfect for everyone?

George: Again, I am sorry. All I know is I live on less than one dollar a day. I cannot afford food, and you promised me that if ...

Keith: Because I'm thinking it will take less than two months or so. That's my bet.

George: Mr Olbermann, sir, I do not think that just because a man is elected President ...

Keith: So, what, you think it will take longer than two months? Have you no shame, saying such a thing on national televis... uh, I mean this blog, which has literally tens of readers (thus, effectively doubling my audience)?

George: I just don't think ...

Keith: Of course you don't think. I bet you're secretly a Republican. Tell us honestly, you're planning on voting for McCain, aren't you? AREN'T YOU!!!

George: Sir, I am not a citizen of your country. I cannot vote in ...

Keith: If you were a Democrat, that wouldn't stop you. But now I see exactly what's happened here. You make me sick, sir. You fill me with more disgust than pasta primavera where the moron cook lets the carrots get too wilted.

George: I beg of you, do not speak to me of food. I am so hungry ...

Keith: I see I'm out of time, so I'm leaving to go have some arrogant sex with a soon-to-be-disappointed fan. I can't believe I sullied myself by speaking with you.

George: Sir, you promised that if I appeared on your show, you would give me food! Please, I ...

...

*Sigh* Well, he's still nicer to me than Barack.