Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Monday, September 05, 2005

Well That Sure Explains a Lot

Mrs. R at Are You Conservative? uses her Invisible Shield Detector camera to spot the force field around Louisiana governor Kathleen "Committee" Blanco the prevents reporters from asking her tough questions, such as "shouldn't you be in Louisiana right now?"

That explains the gubernatorial election. No one cared about Louisiana back when she was running, so the country at large didn't pay attention to some extremely suspicious gaps in reportage back then.

For example:Ms. Blanco, is it true that you had photos of your Indian-American opponent digitally darkened in smear ads in rural Louisiana to play on racist attitudes?

Ms. Blanco, did you ever repudiate the statement by College Democrats of America president Ashley Bell that Bush endorsed [again, the Indian-American} Bobby Jindal in order to repair burned bridges with Arabs? Did you ever inform Mr. Bell that his otherwise unfailing cultural-sensitivity-meter had failed to detect the difference between Indians and Arabs?

Ms. Blanco, how do you respond to charges that Mr. Jindal, who personally saved the state's Medicare program before he was 30-years-old, was smeared in your attack ads which suggested he had personally put a man in a wheelchair and then denied him treatment?

Ms. Blanco, unlike yourself, Mr. Jindal kept his promise not to run any negative ads. Do you believe personal integrity is less important than winning elections?

Ms. Blanco, in your first few months in office, you seemed eager to break some kind of record for forming Committees to solve Louisiana's problems. If that pattern had continued uninterrupted, I must concede you would have quickly solved the state's unemployment problem. But, especially as compared to your opponent, who has a long history of impressive accomplishments, doesn't your committee-forming spree highlight your utter lack of ideas?

Ms. Blanco, while campaigning you promised to bring businesses into Louisiana. How has that been working out for you?

As a follow-up to that last question, instead of cutting taxes for businesses, widely credited as being a reason businesses get out of Louisiana as fast as possible, you went on a state-wide tour to drum up support for a plan to increase taxes. Were you on crack at the time?

Ms. Blanco, you had been in office for less than a few months before you and several key cabinet members tried to increase your salaries from some of the lowest in the nation to some of the highest in the nation. After serious public outcry, the salary increase was scaled back, but you still managed to give your friends raises, regardless of a complete lack of positive contributions (and in one case, in spite of a pending police investigation). Seriously, you were on crack, right?

Ms. Blanco, as long as the press is willing to traffic in the most outlandish of conspiracy theories, what do you say to allegations that you personally destroyed the levees to spare yourself the embarassment of your on-going failure to get Saints owner Tom Benson to sign a new contract to keep his team there? Can you account for your presence at the time the levees broke? Have you ever purchased any explosives, possibly fertilizer-based, packed them densely in a U-Haul truck, and left the truck near the industrial canal?

Ms. Blanco, isn't it true that you secretly instructed black refugees to feed on corpses within four days of the hurricane hitting?

Ms. Blanco, what did you slip into Kayne West's drink to make him look like such a dithering idiot while claiming George W. Bush doesn't care about black people? I withdraw that question.

Ms. Blanco, where are you going?