Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Friday, October 15, 2004

The Kerry Campaign: The Final Weeks

Contrary to popular belief, Sobek is not an omniscient deity. That whole "omniscience" thing is more of a monotheistic idea anyway. For us pagan gods, we get the immortality and the sacrifices and stuff, as well as limited supernatural powers, but we can't tell the future.

(As an aside, some of you might be wondering whether the oracle of Apollo at Delphi is an exception. No, it's just that Apollo learned that as long as his answers are sufficiently vague, he can lord it over everyone when it sorta looks like he got one right. And by the way, Sophocles never wrote any plays about all the stuff Apollo got wrong, just the stuff he got right. You have no idea how smug he was after that whole Oedipus thing).

But I digress. Some of you have asked me to use the aforementioned omniscience, which I do not possess, to predict the outcome of the upcoming election. Well I can't do that, but I can ask favors of some of my friends, and I managed to get some good stuff. Don't ask me which deity provided the following pictures - I don't want him to get in trouble.

Here, then, are some pictures from the future, showing what the Kerry campaign will be up to in the final weeks of the campaign.

For starters, John Edwards will go on a college campus tour to "energize the base." Here he is speaking at the University of Michigan's Young Marxist Club meeting. After a typical funding fiasco, Senator Edwards will not get paid. Several Young Marxists will be shot in reprisal.

John Kerry, on the other hand, will take pandering to special interest groups to a new level.

Of course, the candidates will make sure to "press the flesh," as they say in the business.

We'll see more of the wacky practical jokes that have so far been a hallmark of the Kerry campaign.

And, of course, at the end of the day there's no better way to relax than drinking a beer in a bar and chatting casually with friends.

I might have another favor or two to call in, if anyone is interested in more photos from the future.