Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

UN Quizzes Syrians in Hariri Probe

That's the title for the link to this CNN piece. I did a little digging, and found the actual quiz in question.

United Nations Hariri Quiz
Time: 15 minutes

Section 1: True/False
1. Syria assassinated former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafiq Hariri in one of history's most bungled attempts at tightening power on an occupied nation.

2. Bashar Assad's moustache looks pretty girly.

3. Syria's relative size and military power makes its inability to ever take over Lebanon extraordinarily comical.

Section 2: Multiple Choice
1. Kofi Annan is very disappointed with the widespread corruption at the UN because:
a) he still pretends to care about peace and human rights
b) it cramps his mojo when raping Congolese teen-agers
c) he got caught
d) all of the above

2. When sending relief to tsunami-ravaged countries, it is very important to
a) spend huge sums of money on the most expensive SUVs available
b) stay in five-star hotels
c) bring extra Congolese teen-agers, because Thai chicks don't put up as good of a fight
d) all of the above

3. Hey, remember that time you guys
a) snuck a bunch of weapons out of Iraq to help Saddam?
b) blew up Rafiq Hariri?
c) helped sneak a bunch of Cindy Sheehan's "freedom fighters" into Iraq to blow up children?
d) yeah, that was pretty sweet.

Section 3: Short Essay
1. Explain in 1000 words or less why the UN is administering this quiz, given that we will refuse to take action even if you admit in open session that you killed the guy.

2. When raping Congolese teen-agers, what camera equipment do you recommend to best memorialize your actions?

3. Remind us why we put you guys on the Human Rights commission. Is it just because we were too tired from raping Congolese teen-agers to put up much of a fight? Or is it because compared to the UN, Syria's actually doing pretty well in the human rights department?

You know, I don't think Bashar will need the whole thirty minutes.

Update: Incidentally, anyone else here wondering why it's taken until mid-September for the UN to finally get around to questioning the prime suspect in an assassination that happened in February? Man, that UN is a well-oiled machine.