Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Thursday, August 11, 2005

IntegrityWatch: 2005 DAY 3

As the clock ticks away on the biggest blogging scandal of the summer, IntegrityWatch: 2005 is disappointed to learn that notorious liar Ace of Spades has so far refused to do the responsible thing by apologizing to America and resigning. Further, as detailed here and here, Ace is now making outlandish charges against Single-Celled Americans. I guess I shouldn't have expected better from the Right Wing Attack Machine, but I'm still disappointed.

You know who else is disappointed? The Single-Celled Americans who suffer the brunt of insensitive remarks like those found on Ace's blog. In order to put a hum- ... er, a more familiar face on this issue, I got an interview with Adolph, an anthrax bacterium and now full-time protestor of the Ace of Spades JUGGERNAUT OF LIES!


Sobek: Thank you for joining me.

Adolph: Thank you. I'm a big fan.

Sobek: Oh, stop.

Adolph: I mean it. You're so much cooler than Osiris.

Sobek: Yeah, I've heard that before.

Adolph: Really.

Sobek: Anyway, I understand you've started a vigil outside of Ace of Spades HQ, until he agrees to come talk to you and explain to you what "noble cause" is served by his vicious attacks on Single-Celled Americans, like yourself.

Adolph: That's right, Sobek. The American people won't stand for the non-stop hate we see vomited forth from mouths like Ace's. This is a free country and all, and he has a right to say what he wants, but I have rights too, you know.

Sobek: Of course.

Adolph: I have rights. For example, I have the right to camp out here, outside of Ace of Spades HQ, and garner vast, fawning media attention.

Sobek: Yeah, I meant to comment on that. I didn't realize Ace of Spades HQ was a real place.

Adolph: It's all part of the smoke screen, Sobek.

Sobek: I see.

Adolph: Let me tell you something, Sobek. Let me tell you about my son, who was killed in Iraq because of Bush's immoral war.

Sobek: I thought we were talking about Ace...

Adolph: I'm getting there. I had a son, Sobek. His name was Casey. He was a wonderful kid, with a bright future. He was going to go to college. He was going to get a good job. He was going to start a family.

Sobek: Yes.

Adolph: And that family was going to multiply and fill someone's lungs until that person died of acute respiratory or cardiac failure.

Sobek: ...

Adolph: ...

Sobek: I'm sure you mean that as a figure of speech ...

Adolph: Sobek, I'm an Anthrax bacterium.

Sobek: ... Well, I see that, it's just that ...

Adolph: Oh, not you, too.

Sobek: No, no, it's not like that! I was just ...

Adolph: You're just like all the others. How dare you, you know? How dare you sit there, all high and mighty, and judge me, like you're so perfect!

Sobek: I didn't mean to imply ...

Adolph: I mean, it's not like you've never dragged someone into the Nile to devour them.

Sobek: Hey, now that's just going a little too ...

Adolph: Well I've had it with this kind of hypocrisy, Sobek. That's the kind of thing I'd expect from Ace, or maybe those creepy Llamas, but not from you. I'm leaving.

Sobek: ...


Sobek: Crap.