Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

How to Shower Like a Woman and How to Shower Like a Man

This one had my wife on the verge of tears of laughter, so I'm hoping it will make up for the Michelle Malkin interview.

How To Shower Like a Woman & How To Shower Like a Man

How ToShower Like a Woman:

* Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
* Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks
* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
* Get in the shower.
* Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
* Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
* Condition your hair with enhanced grapefruit mint conditioner.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
* Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffacake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off hair.
* Shave armpits and legs.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
* Spray mold spots with Tilex.
* Get out of shower.
* Dry with towel the size of a small country.
* Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
* Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How ToShower Like a Man:

* Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom.
* Ifyou see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
* Admire your manly physique in the mirror.
* Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
* Get in the shower.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
* Pass gas and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
* Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your butt, leaving hairs stuck on the soap.
* Wash your hair.
* Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
* Pee.
* Rinse off and get out of shower.
* Partially dry off.
* Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
* Admire wiener size in mirror again.
* Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan turned on.
* Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
* If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
* Throw wet towel on bed.

Via e-mail from my brother, so I don't know who to credit.