Top Ten Thoughts a Baby Thinks in His First Hour

10. Wow, I thought the womb was small. What's this crazy new place?

9. Stop poking the top of my head.

8. Holy crap, it's cold out here!

7. What are all those lights?

6. Dan Rather really is a douchebag, you know?

5. What are all those loud noises?

4. Oh that's great. Put me next to the thumb-sucking kid. That'll do wonders for my social life.

3. What are you cramming into my rectum? Do you need to know my temperature that badly?

2. Now I'm glad I peed all over you.

And the number one Thought a Baby Thinks in His First Hour:

1. Get that thing away from my winky! You crazy freak, what's wrong with you? AAAAAGGGHHH!!!