Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Saturday, June 11, 2005

The Scientology Interview

John from Wuzzadem thinks he's so cool, just because he got to interview someone from the set of the new Tom Cruise movie War of the Worlds about Scientology. Well, just to out-do him I went and got an interview with Tom Cruise himself. Suck it, John!

Sobek: Thanks for joining me, Tom.

Tom: No problem, Sobek. You know, I've always thought you were way cooler than Osiris.

Sobek: You're making me blush.

Tom: I mean it. You've got that whole "devouring your enemies" thing going on. All Osiris ever did was get killed and chopped into pieces.

Sobek: Well thanks. Anyway, let's get on with the interview. Now you may recall that last August you told Rolling Stone magazine that Scientology is "the s**t, man." Do you still think so?

Tom: Absolutely. I ...

Pope Benedict: Pardon me, but actually Catholicism is the s**t.

Sobek: Your holiness! I didn't expect ...

Tom: No way, man. You don't even know!

Pope Benedict: Look, there are a lot more Catholics in the world than there are scientologists, and we all agree that Catholicism is the s**t.

Ayatollah: Blasphemous infidels! Islam is the s**t!!!

Sobek: Whoa, where did you come from ...

Tom: You're both wrong! Scientology is the s**t, and that's all there is to it.

Brigham: Pardon me, but verily I say that Mormonism is the manure.

Sobek: Wait a minute, I thought you were dead. And that Ayatollah guy, too...

Ayatollah: Islam! Islam is the s**t! By Allah you will burn for your blasphemy! All true followers of Ali and the hidden Imam know that Islam is the s**t!

Pope Benedict: Don't make me come over there ...

Tom: I'd like to see you try it, old man!

Dalai Lama: Children, be at peace.

Sobek: Whoa, it's getting crowded in here.

Dalai Lama: There is no need to argue about this. Especially when everyone knows that Buddhism is the s**t.

Brigham: Mormonism is the manure!

Tom: Scientology is the s**t!

Seneb Khufru: Ancient Egyptian paganism is the s**t!

Sobek: Okay, I think that's all the time I have. Thanks, guys.