Live-Blogging the State of the Union Speech

I didn't actually watch the State of the Union, so I'll just kind of make some stuff up. It's not like anyone's going to notice, right?

Update: Man, I can't believe he just said that.

Update: Dude, Nancy Pelosi makes me want to throw up my own vital organs, but I'm afraid she'd boost my taxes for doing it. I swear, when anthropologists excavate her emaciated corpse 3,000 years from now, they'll wonder why 21st Century Americans interred mannequins. At least it will give their anthro departments something to debate.

Update: I'm hungry. Thinkin' about maybe a burrito.

Update: Blah blah security blah blah amnesty blah blah I don't care about my base.

Update: It's be so cool if he started out his speech with something like "The State of the Union is ... not as nice as it will be when Ted Kennedy's liver finally kicks off."

Update: And then challenge Kennedy to a duel with spears.

Update: You'd think I would have had the foresight to buy some burritos or something before the speech started. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong.

Update: Make that nunchucks. Forget the spears.

Update: You know, I'd like his amnesty plan a lot better if he could even pretend that he would get serious about enforcing existing immigration laws.

Update: You never really see nunchuck fights, do you? I wonder why that is. I mean, sometimes you'll see one guy with nunchucks and the other guy has something else, like a sword, but never a nunchuck against nunchuck fight. Maybe the nunchuck guys figure they'll just get their nunchucks tangled, and make themselves look silly.

Update: You can call out for pizza, but not for burritos. Why is that? Maybe if you know someone at Del Taco, you can call and say "pick me up something on your way home from work." But once you graduate from college, it's just less likely that you're going to know people who work at Del Taco. Unless you got a degree in journalism or something.

Update: Okay, the speech is finally over. I'm going to go read up on the growing hamster menace.