Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Monday, November 29, 2004

Banning the Declaration of Independence

Via Boortz, whose permalinks aren't working, so I'll just recap.

Fifth grade teacher Steven Williams filed a lawsuit claiming the principal won't let him read the Declaration of Independence to his class, because it makes references to God. Boortz, of course, takes this as further evidence that all government schools should be closed down, and everyone should send their kids to private school. It's getting harder and harder to argue with him.

Standard Conservative Argument: The Declaration of Independence is part of our national history. You simply cannot understand our national identity without some sense of our Judeo-Christian background. When I was in High School (a public High School, mind you) I took a class on European History, in which we learned about Judaism and Christianity. I simply could not have understood the materials without that background. Consider this hypothetical class lecture:

Teacher: In the early 1500s, a German ... um ... professional speaker and scholar named Martin Luther nailed a piece of paper to the door of a ... um ... tax free publilc building, thus beginning a period known as the Reformation.
Student: Reformation of what?
Teacher: I can't tell you.
Student: Why not?
Teacher: Go ask Nancy Pelosi.
Student: Well, what did the paper say?
Teacher: It was a, uh, list of grievances.
Student: So he was like, on strike?
Teacher: Yeah, that's it. It's like he was on strike.
Student: So we assume that he eventually worked out his grievances and everyone was happy, right?
Teacher: Actually, a long series of bloody wars and violent persecution ensued.
Student: But why, if it was just a strike? Couldn't the government just step in?
Teacher: Look kid, are you trying to get me fired?

Do you see the problem with that exchange? The teacher unabashedly said the name of Martin Luther, apparently unaware that he was flagrantly violating the Constitutional separation of Church and State by uttering the name of the man after whom Lutheranism is named. Now that kid is going to grow up and burn crosses in front of black peoples' homes. Great.

The supreme irony, I think, is that in their (obviously empty) promise to move to Canada in the wake of their recent crushing defeat, liberals are seemingly unaware of the Canadian national anthem:

"O Canada! Our home and native land.
True patriot love in all our sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise
The true north strong and free
From far and wide we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free
O Canada we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada we stand on guard for thee."

Native - offensive to Indians.
Patriot - synonymous with both Ashcroftian fascism, an American missile system, and jingoistic imperialism.
Sons - sexist.
True North - cultural supremacist, by suggesting that a) northerners are better than southerners, and b) other northen countries like Russia, Norway and Sweden are the "false north."
Free - cultural supremacist, by suggesting that freedom is better than enslavement under an oppressive dictatorship. Don't try to force your values on me, Canada!
We Stand on Guard - chest-thumping, hyper-militaristic

The Canadian national anthem is therefore banned. Wow, banning stuff is fun. I wonder if I can make a career out of it?