Still Pissed Off About the Hawley-Smoot Tariff

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The Official SobekPundit Blogger Interview: Ace of Spades

For this week's blog interview, I'm very excited to announce that Ace, from Ace of Spades HQ, has agreed to join us. Ace is probably best known for his penetrating expose' of Paul Anka's views about whether or not the guys get shirts (language and spraying-your-beverage-on-your-monitor alert), calling Keith Olberman a douchebag, and ripping off Dave from Garfield Ridge. But he has always been a bit elusive about his true identity, so I am genuinely surprised and grateful that he has consented to meet with me.

Sobek: Ace, it's great to have you. I'm a big fan.

Ace: Yeah, cram it up your pie-hole, you filthy c**ksucker!

Sobek: ...

Ace: ...

Sobek: ...

Ace: Well, are you going to interview me, or what? I've gotta get home and wasted, and you're holding up the show, alligator-man.

Sobek: ... I, uh ... I'm sorry, it's just ...

Ace: It's just what, sack-munch? Spit it out, already!

Sobek: It's just I didn't realize you're an eight-year-old girl.

Ace: You got a problem with that, a**wipe?

Sobek: No, it's just, well actually, yes, it kind of freaks me out to hear that kind of language from a, uh ...

Ace: Yeah, yeah, I get that all the time. Say, you mind if I fire up this stogey?

Sobek: Sure, uh, whatever. Just ... umm ...

Ace: Nothing like a good cigar. Reminds me of a great Bill Clinton joke. Bill walks into a bar and sees ...

Sobek: Wait, hang on a second. I can't do this. If you don't mind, I'm going to switch your picture to something a little less .. disturbing.

Ace: Actually I do mind, you pansy.

Sobek: Yeah, well, it's my blog. I think I'll go with this picture of the guy from Krull. That works a little better for me.

Ace: Change me back right now, or I'll ****ing cut off your head and *** down your neck!

Sobek: How about if I give you a bottle of Val-U-Rite discout vodka?

Ace: Hello, gorgeous! So, where were we?

Sobek: I was stunned into horrified silence, and you were busy spouting a string of profanities.

Ace: That sounds about right.

Sobek: So anyway, I'm sure the audience would love to know what you do when you're not blogging.

Ace: You mean aside from strangling hoboes?

Sobek: Ha! I love it. You're always on.

Ace: ...

Sobek: Uh, anyway, the next thing I wanted to ask was why you don't feature Johnny Coldcuts anymore.

Ace: (burp). I had, uh, artistic differences with him.

Sobek: Oh, that's too bad. He's pretty funny.

Ace: Yeah, I guess. Coulda used a little more mustard.


Ace: Oh, don't get all weepy on me. The guy would have gone rancid anyway, right?

Sobek: I have no idea. He was a time-travelling, foul-mouthed sandwich, how am I supposed to know whether he would have gone rancid? I can't believe you did that!

Ace: You know what? I'm going to have to cut this thing short. I got loaded on cheap crank and scorpion venom this morning and I'm starting to crash.

Sobek: Okay, well thanks for stopping by and completely ruining everything I ever loved about blogs. Do you need me to call you a cab?

Ace: That's okay, my boyfriend is waiting for me outside.

Sobek: You mean, in that red car?

Ace: Yeah.

Sobek: Isn't that ...

Ace: No, it's not who you think!

Sobek: That looks like Josh...

Ace: Don't say it!

Sobek: It is! That's Joshua Marshall!

Marshall: Excuse me, that's Joshua Micah Marshall, thank you.

Ace: Um, can I have you edit that last part out? I'm trying to keep this on the down-low, you know what I'm sayin?

Sobek: I'm sure I'll get around to it.

Last Week: John from Wuzzadem
Next Week: Dave from Garfield Ridge